Another bardic attempt. Gained me quite a bit of infamy a few years ago. Pavel even gave me his alphabet soup. But every word of it was true!

*sees can’o’worms*

*sees can opener*

Oh, lordy, I feel like singin’….

THE IOWEGIA SONG
by Evil Bard Tace of Foxele <–now the saintly Ki no Kotori

(Tune is "Tau Garco La Durundena")*

Here is the Boston Camerata's version of the original work on YouTube so you can hear the melody:

Tell us, distant Iowegia,
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

Who thought there would ever be
Shires out past Coeur d'Ennui *1
Living there most happily *2
Frolicking among the cornfields?

Tell us, distant Iowegia,
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

No matter where you think you are
The Northern Road is twice as far *3
As you're riding in your car
The children crying "Are we there yet?"

Tell us, distant Iowegia,
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

The warriors, radiating charm, *4
Keen of eye and strong of arm,
Dealing enemies great harm,
Don't see much of Knights or Fyrdmen? *5

Tell us, distant Iowegia
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

What sane man would ever miss
The sweetness of Melissa's kiss *6
Never have we known such bliss
(The women really love it also)

Tell us, distant Iowegia
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

Rarely do we ever see
Anything like royalty *7
They're not here, where could they be?
Has anybody seen our masters?

Tell us, distant Iowegia
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

So few people want to go
On our roads of ice and snow
That's too bad, they'll never know
The sweet delights of Iowegia

Tell us, distant Iowegia
Northern Flower of Calontir
What secrets are you hiding there?

*Composer: Bartomeu Carcares as part of the larger work, La Trulla, mid-16th century Catalan, words by Evil Bard! Tace

1 Yeah! 9 groups altogether! (At the time this song was written in 2003)

2 Relatively

3 A common Iowegian proverb

4 Relatively

5 Except in Des Moines

6 A Heraldshill specialty!

7 Except in Des Moines

Man, I'm gonna be in so much trouble….

Yes, I did get into a lot of trouble, but OTOH, people still ask me to sing this song.