小鳥の歌　54

Apr2

spring_apple_blossoms_john_everett_millais_1859

Blossoming orchard
Humble apple trees preening
For once in beauty
Welcoming soft spring rain like
An innocent girl in love

Link: orchard in blossom to blossoming orchard

I chose apple trees because they are commonly seen in the Midwest and when we lived in Iowa, we lived near an orchard. Kigo 季語 in Japanese poetry are words and phrases associated with seasons. They are often gathered in collections called saijiki 歳時記. However, because the climate where I live in Kansas is far different from that of Japan, I sometimes choose kigo that apply to what I see in my everyday life. The most common flowering trees that were used in medieval tanka were the plum (early spring) and the sakura (middle spring).

Apples actually were not widely cultivated in Japan until the Meiji period (1868-1912), although they are quite popular there now. Here is an interesting list about some Japanese fruits and when they were first cultivated there.

Due to the popularity of the haiku form of poetry, there are some saijiki lists online for English speakers. There is a good one heretranslated by William J. Higginson that focuses on Japanese kigo. There is also an interesting one here called the World Kigo Dictionary that has links to lists for kigo in other parts of the world. However, while they have some for North America, there doesn’t seem to be one specifically for the Midwest. (One for Oklahoma, though, and one for the Northern prairie–but from the descriptions I was reading, that sounds like Minnesota or the Dakotas? Not quite the same thing as here.) There are a number of other lists online as well.

However, while kigo developed out of tanka poetry, some of the traditions were established in the Edo period and are particular to haiku, so if you are writing tanka for SCA (medieval reenactment) purposes, double-check.

Painting by John Everett Millais 1859. (c) Lady Lever Art Gallery; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

小鳥の歌 52

Apr1

Soft misty morning
The mourning dove’s doleful cry
Echoes in my heart
Indistinct, my silent tears
Like dew on bark, unnoticed

Link: Amidst the mist to misty morning

Dew actually does form on bark, but “because the bark and lichen surfaces are porous and hydrophilic, the dew does not form discrete droplets but adds to the water already hydrating the lichen or the surface of the bark.”

New Phytologist, Volume 194, issue 1, p. 10, http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1469-8137.2012.04082.x/pdf

小鳥の歌　51

Mar31

I sleep uneasy
Beneath the blossoming trees
Amidst the mist
In dreams I speak with the dead
In hallow hollowed whispers

Note: link is spring in full blossom to the blossoming trees

Unconsciously, I seem to have echoed the sentiments of Kajii Motojirō (梶井 基次郎) who once famously wrote in his essay Beneath the Cherry Trees:

” Dead bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees!

You have to believe it. Otherwise, you couldn’t possibly explain the beauty of the cherry blossoms. I was restless, lately, because I couldn’t believe in this beauty. But I have now finally understood: dead bodies are buried beneath the cherry trees! You have to believe it. ”

櫻の樹の下には屍體が埋まつてゐる！
　これは信じていいことなんだよ。何故つて、櫻の花があんなにも見事に咲くなんて信じられないことぢやないか。俺はあの美しさが信じられないので、この二三日不安だつた。しかしいま、やつとわかるときが來た。櫻の樹の下には屍體が埋まつてゐる。これは信じていいことだ。

The full essay can be read here in a translation by Morgan Giles.

I cannot confess to erudition–I came across the idea in CLAMP’s Tokyo Babylon, which I read some 20 years ago. I was only recently made aware of Kajii’s original material.

I should also note the trees blossoming in my yard are pear, redbud, and crabapple, but there are some cherry trees in a yard down the street. No bodies there (that I know of). The bones would get in the way of the irrigation system.

At the Turning of the Tide

Mar20

It always amazes me how small things can just turn life on its side. In this case, this Costochondritis or whatever–life has been reduced to managing the pain and trying to get simple things around the house accomplished. One day I’m all ambition, going to do ALL THE THINGS!, and the next, I’m just trying to make it to the next minute. Life suddenly shrinks to simple daily needs.

I was hospitalized last Tuesday with severe chest pain and breathing problems. There were further complications when I had an allergic reaction to some medicine they gave me. I was released after a day, with a tentative diagnosis (Costochonritis–the inflammation in the joints between the cartilages that join the ribs to the breastbone), some pain pills, and instructions to follow up with my primary doctor for further testing next week. The pain is still there, but tests ruled out cardiac issues, so I got sent back home.

I should be grateful that this isn’t a heart problem, but OTOH, people are more understanding about a heart attack than about some weird-ass chest joint inflammation virus which just feels like a heart attack.

I’m seeing the doctor on Wednesday, probably for more testing to make absolutely sure this isn’t a kidney issue. The nurse said that this is physical therapy that can help and since I have decent insurance, I might give that a shot. I’ve had other issues in the past (usually injuries) that physical therapy has improved.

NEW!! EDIT: Doctor’s diagnosis is Tietze syndrome, which is Costochonritis’ mean cousin. The two are quite similar and both involve chest inflamation, but Tietze’s has some localized swelling as well. Further testing determined that this is NOT a kidney issue, for which I am grateful, but dang, I still hurt. I’m scheduled for Physical Therapy until this thing runs its course. Life’s going to slow down for a bit while I recover.

What gets me is that this pain which reduces me to tears and foul language is called “benign.” Supposedly, Costochondritis is usually caused by injury (a fall, a car accident, overtraining at the gym), but none of that applies to me. I walk a bit and swim about three times a week, being very careful NOT to push things because it’s easy to get injured when obese.

However, the doctor said it could also be a virus, which might make more sense, as I get all the weird ones. And somehow this ties in with anxiety, which yes, that definitely has been a big factor in my life lately.

Extremely depressed about all this. I felt like I was starting to make friends around here, make some progress, but now? Who knows? My biggest concern is stupid: I don’t know what to do about my new tent. Should I try to sell it? Should I just wait and hope things even out in the next year or so? First I suppose I need more information from the doctor. Besides, it is tough making good decisions while writhing in pain.

Anyway, hobbies are being shifted into low gear for the time being. I was already starting to pull back from my SCA-stuff because I know I will be needed down in Texas more due to my father’s illness. I can still do local things (and since we’re central, local includes several nearby groups), and keep playing with my little projects, but I’ll be more of a background presence. I’ve had to do this before (which no doubt explains my lack of awards) but real life comes first.

Incidentally, these kind of regular life mishaps are one of the reasons why I encourage SCA newbies to NOT focus on awards, peerages, and other such things. Life happens. To Everyone. To some of us, it happens a bit more. If you are in this hobby for more than a few years, there WILL be times you have to step away. Marriage, moves, new jobs or your current job gets busy. Money troubles come up. People have kids. Parents get sick and require care. That’s just how life works. And the SCA is a HOBBY. A game. And when Life gets Real, you put the game aside and deal with what you need to deal with. The game will still be there when you get back.

Unfortunately, the way the SCA works, there can be set-backs for stepping away. People forget you, they forget what you have done, no matter how hard you may have worked over the years. It is what it is, and honestly, most social hobbies are like that. Which is why I tell people to find what makes them happy in this hobby and cherish that aspect. There is so much to love about what we do, and those things will still be there when you come back.

As for me, I’m not leaving, but just slowing down for awhile. And don’t worry, still writing my poems and doing research!