小鳥の歌 67

fujin_raijin

A storm bursts the clouds
Asunder the darkness stirs
Awake the maelstrom
My heart is breaking my screams
Unheard within the tumult

Link: A storm is about to break progresses to A storm bursts.

I left out the commas to see if I could approximate more kakekotoba ( 掛詞 ) pivot words. Japanese can accomplish this better. The structure of English is too precise to allow more than one pivot without sounding odd. But I hope this comes close to the feel. The style I tried for here is what Fujiwara no Teika called “Demon-quelling” (onihishigitei or kiratsu no tei 鬼拉体).

Photo: Fujin (God of Wind) and Raijin (God of Thunder), 13th century, wood, Sanjūsangen-dō 三十三間堂 in the Higashiyama District, Kyoto. Scanned from temple brochure, altered in photoshop by me.

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